Announcer: In today's busy world, eating right is a priviledge. And it's one you can afford in just a couple of easy installments of "Cooking with Ronald and Edna". Let's hear it for America's favorite culinary couple!
Edna: Ronald, I don't have time for this!
Ronald: Do you think I do, Edna? Just because I don't work at some so-called "corporation" doesn't mean I'm just lounging around neglecting your own son!
Edna: For your information Ronald, I don't work at some "so-called corporation" -- it's a muti-nationalistic conglobular cluster and I'm the acting assistant executive managing vice treasurer, and if I wasn't the assistant executive managing vice treasurer, you wouldn't have a home to not lounge around in!
Ronald: Fine! Trot out that old chestnut -- if it makes you feel more important. But I think It's About Time you thought about what's important to little Timmy, for a God Damned Change!
Edna: Well that's a great idea Ronald, if your idea of what ought to be important to little Timmy comes out of Husband's Home Journal.
Ronald: Edna, was that a dig?
Edna: Oh who cares, Ronald. All I'm saying is that if you read the Wall St. Journal like I -- and all other responsible parents -- do, you'd have a much better idea about what's going to be important to little Timmy in 2017, when 30-year rolling government slush bonds reach puberty!
Announcer: This week, Ronald and Edna show you how to rehash worn-out leftovers by letting them stew in their own juices!
Edna: OK Ronald, I've heard your point of view and now it's time to get on with the cooking show that we're supposed to be doing, if you haven't completely forgotten!
Ronald: I don't care about the God Damned cooking show anymore, Edna! Not after what you said about --
Edna: Woah -- woah -- hey, Ronald we're on the air! People are listening. We don't want them to hear about you and Rachel Johnson!
Ronald: Rachel Johnson! What in the world makes you think that I --
Edna: Sure Ronald, play dumb -- it's the only act you're good at! [slam]
Ronald [bawls. regains composure and dials phone]: Hello? Ted? It's Ronald.
Oh, I'm fine. Everything's just fine. There's nothing wrong, if that's what you mean.
Oh, Edna's doing just great, for your information. She's just a little -- overworked [bawls].
Ted, I can't talk about it right now. It's too horrible. Listen, I just need the recipe for boiled hot dogs so I can get this God Damn cooking show over with.
Well of course she was supposed to do it with me. Look, I don't want to talk about it right now.
I see.
I see.
No Ted I don't need to talk to a professional. God Damn it Ted, I'm not some kind of crisis line victim, I'm your friend, so shut up and treat me like one by giving me that God Damn recipe before I come over there wring your God Damned neck!
God I'm sorry, what's happening to me Ted. You remember how happy I was when Edna and I -- opened that first business together. What went wrong?
I see. Yeah let me just get something to write with.
OK hot dogs, right. Open the package. Uh huh. Pot of water. Hot water? Cold water? It doesn't matter? Well if it doesn't matter why do we need to do a whole cooking show on it?
We don't?
[long pause]
Well, if that's what you think of this whole show then I suggest you take all of those fancy French gourmet utensils that your yuppie cookbook told you to buy, and shove them right up your gentrified --
Announcer: Tune in next week when Ronald and Edna show how to make humble pie.