Little Timmy's Nightmare
Announcer: Does the stress and strain of parenting ever haunt your
every hour ... waking or not? Does balancing your career and home life
ever make you break out in a cold sweat? Do you dream of a better
relationship with your spouse and family, only to wake up to a living
hell? If you answered yes to any of these questions, it's time to
bring your pillow over and cuddle up with this week's episode of
Ronald and Edna. You're going to be OK -- compared to them!
Ronald: [snores]
Edna [in a businesslike whisper, on the phone]: Yeah. Yeah. No.
Listen, Larry, I want it on my desk tomorrow. Well I told you about
it last week. Steve turned in his paragraph yesterday. [taken
aback] No, I'm not -- [pause, then an angry crescendo] listen, you
vindictive son-of-a-bitch, if you make one more comment like that
about Steve, I swear I'll fire you. No, that's not a threat. No, I'm
just saying.
Little Timmy [running in, crying]: Daddy!
Edna [loudly, still on the phone]: Oh yeah? Well you can shove it
--
Little Timmy [still crying]: Daddy, the big monsters were coming after
me!
Ronald: mprh ... wha?
Edna [quickly]: I gotta go. See you tomorrow ... bright and early!
[beep]
Little Timmy [still crying]: Big monsters! Trying to eat me! They
had teeth and big claws! They were cutting me! It hurt!
Ronald: Timmy ... it was just a dream ... it's OK.
Timmy [still desparate]: Mommy!
Edna: Timothy, you were just having a little nightmare. But now it's
over and you don't have to worry anymore. (About the nightmare,
anyway!) But Daddy and I are tyring to sleep -- or rather he's
trying to sleep and I'm trying to do some Very Important Last Minute
Business, which is in its own way a kind of nightmare that I'm
having, so if you could please just calm down and go back to bed,
maybe I could get some work done around here, for a God Damn
Change!
Timmy: [bawls]
Ronald: Edna, that's no way to talk to Our Own Son. Can't you see
he's very upset and we need to comfort him? Or have you forgotten how
to do that, Edna, have you forgotten about what it means to be a human
being, and to have feelings, and not just management objectives!
Timmy: [bawls]
[phone rings]
Edna: If you'll both just excuse me for a minute, for once in your
lives: [into the phone] Hello? Steve? [flustered] What are you doing
calling me here? Now?
Ronald: Steve? Steve?! Oh that's just great. "Important
Last Minute Business" my ass!
Edna: Larry, you don't fool me for one second! You don't even
sound like Steve! And if you thought you were going to get that
promotion, you can forget it! [beep]
Timmy [crying]: They had fangs and big scales and I was really scared
of them!
Edna: Ronald, I do not have to just sit here -- lie here having
accusations thrown at me like -- like so many rotten tomatoes when Our
Own Son is in tears because of his traumatic nightmare. I really
think it's time you got your priorities in order! [to Timmy] It's OK,
Timothy. Those monsters were actually your friends. They were just
angry with you. But now they love you again.
Ronald: Edna,
you two-faced little --
Edna: Back off, Ronnie!
Little
Timmy: Um, but what if my friends, they get mad again.
Edna:
Well, sometimes that happens.
Little Timmy [crying]: Oh no!
... [sobs]
Ronald: Now look what you've done, Edna! He's going
to be ... scarred for life, thanks to your boardroom
psychology!
Edna: That's the last straw, Ronald! [dials
phone]
Ronald: Who are you calling, Edna? At this hour of the
night?
Edna: I'm reporting you to the Better Business Bureau!
[on the phone] Hello, BBB? Yeah, get me the domestic
division.
Ronald: Oh no!!!!! Oh no!!!!!!!!
[all
sound stops]
Ronald: mrngaaaaaaaarghmn!
Edna
[snores]
Ronald [timidly]: Edna? Edna?
Edna [groggily]:
ngh ... wha?
Ronald: I just had a terrible
nightmare!
Edna: What was it Ronald, look, I have to get up
really early tomorrow.
Ronald: Oh ... nothing.