Seizure
The Making of the Making of Eclectic Seizure
Eclectic Guy: Those of you with particularly sensitive radios may have noticed that for the past two weeks we've had a radio crew in the studio with us taping a special on the making of Eclectic Seizure. Let's check out some of this upcoming special.
Eclectic Guy (from a distance): This is where we produce most of Eclectic Seizure's radio skits.
Interviewer A: What's that large black box over there with millions of blinky red lights?
Eclectic Guy (from a distance): That's a TragiCommodore 9000 ThespiAnalyzer with sixteen megaskits of theatrical information stored on over three disks. By cross-referencing this data with Jay Leno monologues, we can generate continuous streams of topicons and satirradioactive particles which we literally broadcast over the air to tens of listeners' homes.
Interviewer A: Wow!
Eclectic Guy (back in the studio): I'm sure that "The Making of Eclectic Seizure" will give us all some much- needed insight into where radio's been before you let it into your house. But just how was "The Making of Eclectic Seizure" put together? Let's take a listen to part of the informative sequel: "The Making of The Making of Eclectic Seizure".
Interviewer B: What's a typical day like on the set of "The Making of Eclectic Seizure"?
Interviewer A: Busy! To create the illusion that we're really interviewing the eclectic guy, we fax him interview scripts which his people review, mark up, and send back to our studio with changes. Then we have the eclectic guy read his answers over a satellite feed and we edit them together with tapes of a professional radio announcer asking the questions.
Interviewer B (hushed): Most work seems to center around the fax machine. When the eclectic guy doesn't like the scripts, things can get pretty hectic around here! Interviewer A (to some office-mate): Oh [expletive deleted]! That [characterization omitted] crossed out half the questions about his financial ties with Coke and AT&T!
Eclectic Guy: Well, that certainly looks to be an exciting program. Coming up next month is another "behind-the-scenes" special which might be of interest to some of our fans: it's called "The Making of The Making of The Making of Eclectic Seizure". Here's a cut from that special:
Interviewer C: What sort of format do you work in?
Interviewer B: We think of "The Making of The Making of Eclectic Seizure" as sort of an expose. People ought to be aware that "The Making of Eclectic Seizure" is a hoax, concocted by the eclectic guy's handlers, designed to make him look good!
Interviewer C: How does the expose format work?
Interviewer B: Well, first you have to call the people you're supposedly "exposing" and get them to agree to go along with the idea. With a budget like ours, it's simply too costly to expose actual fraud.
Interviewer C: You mean "The Making of Eclectic Seizure" isn't really a hoax?
Interviewer B: Who cares? It doesn't really matter. We're just trying to create exciting radio. Anyway, once the eclectic guy and his people agreed to let us do "The Making of The Making of Eclectic Seizure", we hired a composer to create dramatic theme music, and then worked with an announcer to create the hushed tone of voice that makes a listener feel like someone's telling them a secret.
Announcer (in a badly-performed hushed tone): It was only when I talked to manager Slim Chapman that I realized how much the eclectic guy was controlling everything?
Engineer (from a booth): Can we take that again?
Announcer (sheepishly): OK. (better hushed tone) It was only when I talked to manager Slim Chapman that I realized how much the eclectic guy was controlling everything.
Eclectic Guy: Well, I'm sure we're all looking forward to that program. You may want to mark your calendars for the next special event, which is a five-part historical dramatization entitled "The Making of The Making of The Making of The Making of Eclectic Seizure". Here are some scenes from the first episode:
[romantic music]
Edna: Ronald, I can't be with you tonight.
Ronald: But darling, tonight is the first anniversary of that wild evening we spent together on the French Riviera!
Edna: Oh darling I know -- [necking] -- but I have to be at the studio. Tonight we record the interview in which the producer reveals that his expose is a fake! And the script needs work before we can even begin!
[romantic music abruptly stops]
Eclectic Guy: And here's a scene from episode four.
[more frenzied dramatic music]
Ronald: You've been working on that God Damn show for weeks now! How important can The Making of The Making of The Making of Eclectic Seizure be?
Edna: Ronald, don't you understand? It's the first time shows about the making of other shows have gone this many levels deep! I'm on the forefront of a new frontier, and I can't throw it all away just because it's little Timmy's birthday!
Ronald [crying and screaming]: Admit it, Edna, you're a Workaholic! And it's tearing our lives apart!
Eclectic Guy: Well I know I'm not going to miss a single episode of "The Making of The Making of The Making of The Making of Eclectic Seizure".